In the dystopian wastelands of lockdown, an enterprising social media outlet was spawned. The Influenzas soon became a haven for those in need of a new income stream. A rag tag bunch of social misfits who were pushed into becoming social media Influencers by the pandemic to make ends meet. Let’s catch up with some old friends.

Derek Accordion Entertains– Blackpool cabaret singer

Derek started his channel in May 2020. He was a staple on the Blackpool cabaret circuit. He hadn’t always been a solo act. In his early days he dabbled with magic. Unfortunately, he also dabbled with his assistants. This resulted in him bankrolling several extended maternity leaves. His misguided advice to take a laxative, breath in and soldier through another week was futile. The assistants quickly became too big for the box he used when cutting them (and his unborn child) in half. It was no longer commercially viable, so he segued into singing.

In 2020 a government mandate prohibited live music. In response, Derek recorded his act. He anticipated it being played on the big screen at his usual venues. Derek and his ilk were soon to discover that things would not go as planned. Behind the scenes the Blackpool hotelier collective saw an opportunity for change. They agreed a drastic but necessary cull of all aging has beens, singing Mack the Knife in a spangled waistcoat. Derek and co were relegated to the annals of history.

Undeterred, Derek pushed forward and began uploading his shows to his ‘Derek Accordion Entertains’ channel. Problems arose when he ran out of material. He was generally enjoyed by holiday makers who’d endure his warbling a couple of times and were often too inebriated or too elderly to notice it was the same routine.

Sharp tongued viewers however wasted no time in filling the comments section with barbed utterances, calling out his rehashing and recycling of material. Being a man of limited talent, he was unable to flesh out his repertoire but was quick to find a solution. Derek actively juggled 1412 sock puppet accounts to boost his subs and views. Despite this, AdSense had more sense than to monetise this subpar offering.

Derek now earns a modest living as a palm reader on the North Pier.  He found a lucrative side hustle licking toffee apples (to make them glossy) but this was short lived. After recurring bouts of oral thrush, he was put on gardening leave. Thankfully, he’s now also managed to pick up some casual work as candy floss fluffer in the candy floss fluffer factory across town.